I don’t know. Maybe?
I have no idea what’s actually wrong with me (I can’t write
that in the past tense yet, unfortunately).
This post is meant to explore my opinions on what I’ve potentially
been dealing with since becoming extremely sick following vaccination with the
Pfizer covid vaccine. It’s kind of a weird spot presenting this to people,
where if you’re a layperson I’ll probably be touching on concepts of health and
medicine with which you aren’t familiar. And if you’re a medical professional,
well….I at least hope you read this with an open mind. I very much welcome your
input or ideas.
Anyway… I didn’t title this post the way I did because I
absolutely believe I have (or have had) neuro-lupus, but because I certainly
believe it’s a possibility and have had it at least suggested by a
rheumatologist. I do very strongly believe I have an autoimmune condition.
NPSLE is one possibility.
Neuropsychiatric lupus is a particular manifestation of systemic
lupus erythematosus (SLE), characterized by nervous system disorders. You can
read about the symptoms here
if you want – they include headache, aseptic meningitis, cognitive
dysfunction, delirium, autonomic dysfunction, and peripheral nerve issues.1
The Evidence for NPSLE
Anti-Sm and ANA
The argument that I have NPSLE specifically boils down to a
couple key points. One is my symptom presentation, which, particularly before
significant dietary intervention, matched many of the symptoms characteristic
of NPSLE. I’ll outline them all at the bottom, but if you’ve already read the
main introductory post I made you’re largely familiar with many of them.
The second key point is the (inconstant, to be clear!)
abnormal autoimmune results potentially suggestive of lupus or an associated
condition. Arguably the most important of these are the Anti-Sm antibodies, as
they are most specific to lupus. In fact, studies demonstrate that a finding of
positive Anti-Sm is 98-99% specific for lupus.2,3 Anti-Sm isn’t always positive
in lupus patients, but it is only rarely positive for any other reason.2–4 Once that marker is positive,
I don’t really believe “not Lupus” can remain such a strong default assumption.
At the very least a very valid reason for why it is not Lupus should be proposed,
which is something I don’t feel like I’ve received. At the same time, I was
also positive for two other markers commonly associated with lupus and other
similar conditions, like mixed connective tissue disease.
The rheumatologist who ordered those labs was hesitant to
make any diagnosis because at the time of the positive anti-Sm result, I
paradoxically did not have a positive ANA result (any longer. It had been
positive on a previous occasion). ANA – anti-nuclear antibodies – is the most
“general” autoimmune marker, so to speak, and is often used as an initial
screening tool to check for possible autoimmune disease. More often than not,
ANA will be positive in a patient with an autoimmune condition.
Here's where we get to a bit of opinion and speculation –
“more often than not” is, to me, the important part of that last sentence. In
my experience, both speaking to doctors and reading public info such as the
lupus foundation website, its widely believed that ANA must virtually always be
positive if a patient is to have an autoimmune condition.5 But…This position really
isn’t supported by the literature.
I suspect this misconception results from a population-wide
conflation of “ANA is a general autoimmune screening tool” with “It can’t be an
autoimmune disease if the patient doesn’t have positive ANA.” It feels like
doctors get in the habit of always checking ANA first and either forget or have
no idea that ANA is far from definitive. I also suspect this is a one of the
reasons that it takes an average of SIX YEARS from first symptom for a patient
to be accurately diagnosed with lupus.6 I have serious doubts that a
lot of physicians are well-read on the literature, including…
A study that finds “ANA-negative SLE is more common than
generally realized” 7
A study that finds “a considerable portion of Swedish
patients with SLE lose ANA-positivity over time” 8
A lengthy follow-up study found that that only 17 percent
(!!!!) of patients previously diagnosed with NPSLE continued to return a
positive ANA test.9
There’s actually quite a bit of literature detailing the
inconsistent, fluctuating, unreliable nature of ANA as a marker of lupus and
similar conditions.10–15
What does that mean for me? I don’t know! I think it means I
may very well have been diagnosed with NPSLE had only my positive ANA occurred
in concert with my other positive autoimmune results. I think it means I may
very well have been diagnosed with NPSLE if my rheumatologist was aware that
positive ANA frequently fluctuates and fades. I think it means that SOMEBODY
should at least try to answer my questions about this research rather than shut
them down.
Diet and
Autoimmunity
My health began changing for the better with strict
carbohydrate (ie. plant) restriction, with many or most seemingly benign plants
apparently capable of triggering symptom flares and relapses.
Here’s the part that most people and medical professionals
are apt to consider controversial – eating plants is horrible for autoimmune
disease, and frankly I think most plants are an overall negative influence on
health in general. Mainstream advice is obviously not going to agree with this
statement, but I don’t consider that advice to be particularly evidence-based.16,17 The primary reason plant
consumption is detrimental in the instance of autoimmune disease is the
presence of immune-triggering defense chemicals such as lectins.
Quick non-scientific overview of plant defense chemicals –
Every organism on earth evolved to still be alive and keep reproducing and
every organism has strategies and adaptations to help with the “staying alive”
part. Animals have active defense mechanisms – horns, wings, speed, camouflage,
etc. Plants can’t really move or fight back, so their defense mechanisms are
largely passive. These are the chemical compounds – lectins, gluten, oxalates,
etc. - designed to make themselves more difficult to digest and make you sick
if you eat them. If you walk out into a field and try to eat a stalk of wheat,
you will feel sick. You will be disinclined to eat it a second time, and the
rest of the wheat will keep living. That’s how the process is supposed to work.
Modern humans have obviously messed with the process pretty significantly, but a
machine pre-digesting some of the wheat for you doesn’t make it healthy.
The major general exception to this paradigm is fruit. Do
you know why fruit is bright and colorful and sweet? That’s because it “wants”
you to eat it, so you can poop out the seeds (pre-fertilized!) somewhere new.
That’s also why unripe fruit is green and bitter and more difficult to eat – it
doesn’t want to be eaten yet! The ripening process includes a breakdown of the
defense chemicals that might otherwise harm you if you eat the fruit too early.
Green things do not want to be eaten!! That’s literally the reason green and
brown things are green and brown – blending in is a survival mechanism. Turning
blue or red is a survival mechanism too, one that makes fruit significantly
less harmful than other plants for people with or without autoimmune disease.
Part of the argument for the health benefits of vegetables
is actually that these compounds make you “stronger” by stimulating that immune
response. Kinda like exercise might. That’s all a discussion for another time,
but for now I’m going to link to a couple dozen papers below for anybody that
wants to read about how these plant compounds adversely affect the immune
system and how those with autoimmune disease frequently improve with the
removal of various plants from their diet, or by fasting.18–49
I’ll highlight one study in particular – to my knowledge the
only study that placed participants on a strict lectin elimination diet and
tracked markers of autoimmune disease.50 102 participants with various
serologically confirmed autoimmune disease (lupus and others) were followed for
nine months, at the end of which more than ninety percent of subjects were
negative for all autoimmune markers. Eighty percent of patients had improved
enough to cease all medication.
The reason I highlight that finding is because not only does
it reflect how I’ve been eating, but very crucially it reflects how I was
already eating for months before I was tested for any autoimmune markers. For
the first several months of this ordeal, I was down a neurology rabbit hole or
sorts, and so I have no autoimmune testing from anything really even resembling
the worst of it. In fact Anti-sm, that lupus-specific marker, is known to
correlate with flares and disease severity, and became negative as I felt
amazing at the end of a week of continuous fasting.51–53
At this point it should be clear that I’m of the opinion
that the “insufficiency” of my autoimmune markers very plausibly reflects both
an improvement in health and a decrease in markers that should absolutely be
expected in a person consuming a diet of primarily meat and no grains,
vegetables, etc. I’m also of the opinion that the massive moderating effect of
diet on my symptoms is strong evidence that my issues are likely autoimmune in
nature. With all that in mind – the stark effect of diet on my symptom
presentation, the various adverse autoimmune markers, the dramatic neurological
nature of my condition, and other factors we haven’t touched on here – I have a
hard time believing my (primary) condition can be anything other than
neuro-autoimmune in nature.
This post is focused on NPSLE specifically not because I’m
literally making the argument that it has to be neruo-lupus or even that its
highly probable I have neruo-lupus. It is because my symptoms, bloodwork, and
rheumatologist’s comments all suggest the possibility, and because I think that
possibility far better reflects the severity of the situation than does the
common physician desire to pretend I’m just tired and dismiss everything as
“long covid.”
Other Possibilities
A quick overview of some other explanations I find varying
degrees of plausible. Note that these aren’t mutually exclusive – an autoimmune
condition doesn’t necessarily preclude some kind of nerve damage, for example.
·
Other autoimmune problems - Anti-ACE2 or
similar: ACE2 is an enzyme primarily located in the blood vessels that
happens to be the main method by which covid-19 binds and enters your body. There’s
some research showing that long covid patients with neurological complications
have near universally present anti-ACE2 antibodies. Problem is there are no
labs in the US that test for these antibodies, so I have no idea if I have or
had them myself. Many other long covid and post-vaccine injury patients have
reported antibodies to ACE2 and other related proteins, though, so there exists
the possibility that this is actually the root problem. I don’t exactly know
how to connect this possibility to the neurological presentation, but there is
some ACE2 expression in the nervous system so it seems plausible. In this case
it would be presumed that the other abnormal autoimmune results I’ve returned
are largely cross-reactive/incidental rather than a primary issue.54–64
·
Craniocervical Instability (CCI): This
would be some kind of nerve damage/compression/irritation/etc. that results
from connective tissue damage to the neck. Essentially connective tissue damage
leads to a weak/unstable neck, in turn leading to compression or irritation of
the spinal cord and cranial nerves, in turn leading to all the neurological
symptoms. The biggest reasons to consider this possibility are: 1) The
autoimmune markers are suggestive of potential connective tissue problems, 2)
Neck pain is my most persistent symptom, 3) Neck pain/weakness/instability is
one of the most frequently reported symptoms in those with vaccine injuries, 4)
Posture and position has a noticeable effect on symptom presentation, 5) CCI is
increasingly thought to be common in chronic fatigue syndrome. Which is
obviously different than what I’m dealing with but certainly can be thought of
as similar – a lot of people think “long covid” is really just CFS, for
whatever that’s worth. I again don’t believe this can make sense as the sole
explanation for my condition but I think it (or something similar) is a
reasonably likely secondary issue.
·
Lasting neurological damage: I don’t
actually know what this would look like, but I think it must be considered a
distinct possibility that I could have some yet undetected nervous system
damage. The fact that my symptoms have been so highly amendable to diet and
lifestyle intervention leads me to want to disregard this as a primary issue, but as higher levels of cognition become the most persistent impediment to normalcy it certainly has to be considered a distinct possibility.
·
Depression: I’m kidding. It’s not fucking
depression. But four different medical professionals have floated the idea so
here we are.
Symptoms
Below is a fairly complete list of symptoms I’ve experienced.
At this point really only the neck pain persists on a day-to-day basis, with some headache/nausea if it’s
bad enough. The vast majority of these symptoms are in the past though, or only subject to significant cognitive strain.
It all seems kind of benign when I write it out like this,
as if words like “headache” and “dizziness” and “nausea” could ever capture the
sensation of a brain being ripped apart from within. When it takes an hour to
get from the couch to the bed, as it sometimes did, there’s really nothing that
can convey how miserable that hour really is – how electric and painful it is,
how completely detached from reality it feels, how absolutely heavy everything
feels when you try to move, how badly it makes you wish for death. And then,
ironically, when I’ve finally dragged my body to bed, how fucking certain I am
that death is what awaits me as I drift to sleep.
If you’re a medical professional reading this (even a year
or two after it was posted), I really do welcome your opinion. If you’ve made
it all the way through both this and the first intro post you have now given
this more thought, and have a more complete picture, than most of the ~15
doctors I’ve seen in the last year and a half. Main clinical abnormalities –
intermittently positive ANA, Anti-Sm, Anti-Ro, Anti-U1 RNP, PR3, elevated IL6.
Also found a compound heterozygous MTHFR gene mutation that may or may not have
any bearing on my health at all, and have been assessed to have some kind of
potential/probable/mild generalized hypermobility or hEDS. Fire away with
thoughts or questions.
·
Headache/migraine – This is the easiest
place to start. Occipital pain has been consistent throughout, with more
“standard” temporal headaches occurring frequently. I use the word “migraine”
here to refer to severe headache accompanied by nausea. Frequently, especially
when symptoms have been generally worse, the pain has been far more electric
and diffuse in nature. Powerful shooting pain that would quickly dart around
was not uncommon.
·
Brain tremors? – Not technically but I
don’t know what else to call it. Have you ever been stressed or didn’t sleep
well and ended up with an eyelid that wouldn’t stop twitching? Imagine that
feeling, but deep in the center of your brain. It’s like an electrical flickering,
but instead of just feeling twitchy it also hurts and seems to short-circuit
thoughts and emotions every couple of seconds. This tended to present only
during the worst stretches.
·
Persistent cervical spine pain – My neck
has hurt pretty much 24/7 for the last year and a half. Its far from my worst
symptom, but definitely one of the most consistent. The pain is highly
localized to the central spinal column and is made moderately/progressively
worse by unfavorable posture but significantly worse by acute mental strain. The
other component is how susceptible my neck is to “falling asleep” with any
significant deviation from neutral, like your arm would if you slept on it
wrong. And that’s basically what it feels like in my neck and head. Sitting
much is the most problematic trigger.
·
Nausea – seemingly secondary to the
headaches
·
Dizziness
·
Shakiness/tremors in the extremities
·
Numbness and tingling in the extremities
·
Weakness/neuromuscular failure
·
Constant sympathetic activation – This is
the “fight of flight” response, the stimulating half of your autonomic nervous
system. Physical manifestations have included persistently elevated body
temperature, blood pressure, racing heart rate, etc.
·
Trigeminal neuralgia – acute bouts of
sharp, stabbing facial pain presumably related to damage or dysfunction of the
nerve innervating that area
·
Chest pain and palpitations – This might
be the closest thing to a non-neurological symptom. But given the persistent presentation
of the previous pair of symptoms, I think these are probably are just resultant
from vagus never irritation/dysfunction
·
Deficits of balance and coordination –
When overall presentation was worse, I would struggle consistently with balance
and coordination. However, this effect was only ever extreme upon waking.
Particularly before dietary intervention, I would struggle mightily with
standing and walking in the minutes after waking. This would leave me
frequently collapsing while attempting to get out of bed, and navigating stairs
either down on my butt or up on all fours to avoid tumbling down.
·
Deficits of cognition – Independent of
the brain twitching. There’s probably a better way to label that, because its
certainly more severe than the “brain fog” I suffered immediately after the
acute covid infection. It’s more of a complete failure of executive function.
This would occur acutely and regularly when overall presentation was bad, and
leave me generally incapacitated for a bout of time. I don’t know how to
explain what it feels like to not be able to put together complete thoughts or
sentences, but that’s basically what was happening. This was usually or always
accompanied by extreme cervical warmth.
·
Acutely sharp cerebral pain – This would
usually occur while walking or moving around, and was characterized by extreme,
localized pain somewhere in my head. It tended to only last for a handful of
moments, was always accompanied by pronounced lightheadedness, and would
routinely bring me to my knees.
·
Intrusive thoughts – I don’t know what to
call them. This was probably my least favorite symptom, that I’ve thankfully
been more or less free from in the last 6-8 months. I would routinely experience
vivid, unwanted…visions? Thoughts? Of events that usually involved my death or
the death of somebody close to me. The worst episodes were the ones in which I
was somehow responsible for harm to my wife or parents. The sight of almost
anything that could be dangerous or used as a weapon would trigger these
thoughts. I struggled in the kitchen, because I couldn’t see the sink without
also seeing my hand ripped off by the garbage disposal. I couldn’t see the
knife block without seeing myself stabbing somebody. I could be driving down
the road thinking about something else entirely when any random car passing
would trigger the vision of that car running over my dad on his bike. I really
don’t know how to describe these events other than to say that they seemed so
distinctly different than normal “imagination.” They seemed much more
viscerally real, and something I had simply no control over.
·
Psychosis? – Again, I don’t know what to
actually call it. The main presentation here was a complete inability to separate
sleep from death. For months I literally lost the capacity to understand on a
cognitive or emotional level what was happening when I went to sleep. Which I’m
sure sounds very weird, and I’m sure I’m not going to be able to describe it
well. When I would get closer to falling asleep, it seemed my connection to
reality would fade away. Every single night, and every single nap, I simply
KNEW that I was dying. I always felt a weird mix of panic and desperate desire
to come to terms with what was happening before I slipped away. This would also
happen regularly upon waking, wherein I would also be sure I was about to die
as I woke up. I would often find myself looking around for who or what was
going to kill me, or I would be plagued by a sensation that I would drop dead
as soon I tried to stand up. This obviously made sleep more difficult that it
needed to be, and I still can’t really go to sleep without listening to a
podcast so as to avoid the uncomfortable sensation of being “alone” in the
situation I largely came to associate with death.
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